Destiny in Her Eyes - by Jayna Wallach
i came across this priceless, intimately-inscribed photo in the powder room at the dolly python, a local institution filled with an enviable collection of oddities.
the inscription reads, "to brian, it was a night to remember... i'm still wet." as you can see, i chose to protect her anonymity, given the private - and provocative - message she inscribed.
jayna wallach, actress and all-around creative-type, has channeled more of the message she had for brian below.
"Destiny, my stripper best friend, told me to cling onto you, Brian.
You think you want Gretchen, so I’m turning myself into her, but I’ll be a better Gretchen than Gretchen. This is me in the dress I’m gonna wear when we’re walking down the aisle. I found it at Thrifty World in the cart of an old Mexican lady who saw destiny in eyes and told me take it. “You take it,” she said.
You know Gretchen can’t do what I can do with a spatula. You said it yourself you like a woman who can sing Skynnrd, naked, suspended upside down from the ceiling in knotted ropes, a woman like me, I’m the only woman like me. I just love showing off for you, shooting the big size bag of cheetos from my cooch at the rifle target in your backyard.
I want you to be happy, and if that means you being with Gretchen, I will turn myself into Gretchen. Lasering off my eyebrows and tattooing on the new Gretchen shaped ones was an investment in us. I’ll send you more photos as the process continues, like an infomercial orphan far off in the thirdworld, thriving on your monthly five dollar sacrifice, except I don’t cost you anything, Brian. You can still enjoy your Starbucks. I’m paying for me, for us.
Next week, I’m getting chin implants and a nose job. And a parrot just like hers. You can see in the photo, I’ve almost got the hairdo downpat. I’m thinking about starting a store, yes, a store, where people will go to buy interesting things they can’t find anywhere else, just like us, Brian, just like us.